Balancing Life, Work, and Caregiving: A Personal Reflection - Journal Entry No. 10
“Being a caregiver isn’t easy. Please give yourself grace, be patient with yourself, and reach out for support. You don’t have to do it alone.”
Summary
In this heartfelt journal entry, Tim Reitsma (me), founder of InvisibleCondition.com, shares a vulnerable reflection on the challenges of caregiving, balancing work, family, and advocacy. As a caregiver for his partner living with chronic conditions, Tim highlights the importance of community, grace, and asking for support. He calls attention to the often-overlooked struggles caregivers face, both at home and in the workplace, and encourages listeners to extend compassion and help to those in caregiving roles. This entry is a reminder that no one has to navigate these challenges alone.
Takeaways
Caregiving is a heavy, often invisible load – It requires juggling personal, professional, and emotional responsibilities, which can lead to exhaustion and burnout.
Support systems make a difference – Whether it's a helping hand from your community or workplace flexibility, caregivers thrive when they have the space to focus on their loved ones.
Grace and connection are essential – Caregivers should give themselves grace, seek support, and remember that they don’t have to navigate these challenges alone. Reaching out can unlock the true power of community.
For caregivers:
Give yourself grace and patience; it's okay to feel overwhelmed.
Reach out for support from your community, family, or workplace.
Don’t hesitate to ask for help—you don’t have to do it all alone.
For others supporting caregivers:
Ask caregivers how you can help or support them.
Offer tangible assistance, like providing meals, running errands, or giving them a break.
Create a supportive workplace culture where caregivers feel comfortable asking for accommodations or flexibility.
For workplaces:
Understand the unique challenges caregivers face, and create policies that support them (e.g., flexible schedules, paid leave).
Listen to caregivers’ needs and ensure they feel heard and supported.
Links
Resources:
Caregiver Support Organizations
Family Caregiver Alliance (FCA): Offers tools, support, and resources for family caregivers, including webinars, fact sheets, and personalized advice.
Website: https://www.caregiver.orgNational Alliance for Caregiving (NAC): Provides research, advocacy, and resources for caregivers, including workplace tips and guides.
Website: https://www.caregiving.orgCanadian Caregiver Network (for Canadian audiences): Connects caregivers to services and support networks within Canada.
Website: https://www.carerscanada.ca
Emotional and Mental Health Support
BetterHelp or Talkspace: Online therapy platforms that offer flexible access to professional counselors, often a lifeline for caregivers dealing with stress or burnout.
Website: https://www.betterhelp.comCaregiver Action Network (CAN): Provides peer support groups and forums, specifically tailored to caregiver mental health and resilience.
Website: https://www.caregiveraction.org
Practical Tools and Resources
AARP Caregiving Resource Center: Includes checklists, legal and financial guides, and caregiving technology tools.
Website: https://www.aarp.org/caregivingLotsa Helping Hands: A free platform to coordinate support for caregivers by organizing tasks like meal prep or rides to appointments.
Website: https://www.lotsahelpinghands.com
Tags: Invisible Conditions, Caregiving, Community Support, Disability Inclusion, Mental Health, Social Change, Empowerment, Stigma, Workplace Challenges, Personal Stories
Transcript
Hey, Tim here, founder of Invisible Condition. You this project is really about empowering voices, partnering with workplaces, and bringing social change to end the stigma of invisible conditions. And I have to admit, the last number of weeks have been just full on. So much so that I've missed publishing podcasts, I've missed publishing written interview series, connecting with people. It has been full on.
But also I wanted to share something, a little bit of a vulnerable share today as this is a journal entry. So what better way to share it than with everybody? I've also been a caregiver. My partner Tanya lives with enclosing spondylitis and iritis, which is inflammation of cells in her eye. She's lived with iritis for so long. So many flares, so many steroid drops and medication drops in her eye and
has now developed cataracts. One eye is worse than the other, but it has caused her and left her not able to drive. And so some might be listening to this and go, okay, well, you what's the impact of that? And, you know, honestly, it's been a lot. You know, she has had numerous medical appointments and not able to take transit because her eyes are dilated or she can't see anything. And so you're juggling real life.
getting groceries, tending to the kids, trying to build a business, working a part-time job, also wrapping up two other contracts and supporting my wife who needs the support. Now I'm grateful that she has a surgery coming up to fix the cataract hopefully and the odds are good that it's gonna be fixed, but it's tiring.
Maybe you're listening to this and you aren't a caregiver or maybe you are relying on somebody who is a caregiver.
You for me, I'm maybe a bit stubborn. I don't ask for help often. And I haven't asked for help, even though I should have asked for help, but it has been full on. And there's a couple of things I wanted to share with you. And as I'm just reflecting on sharing this today and even sitting down at dinner, the day I'm recording this, thinking like, what am I gonna record today? I don't have the energy to push out.
a full episode. I've got a number of recorded episodes that desperately need to see the light of day and you need to hear them. But I'm just exhausted and I could have just said, you know what, I'm done. I'm done for the day. Actually, the day I'm recording this, I delivered two workshops, one to a university, a student group and another to a tech company just on disability inclusion in the workplace. But I'm coming today.
and rambling on about the fact that this is a shout out to caregivers. I recorded an episode with Tanya such a long time ago, probably a year ago now about caregivers and the impact of our conditions just on caregivers themselves. And I'm feeling it. When I was really, really sick and trying to get healthy enough for surgery, I just relied on my wife to do everything. I took it for granted.
I'm definitely not complaining that there's too much work to do and things like that, but it's a lot. And maybe take a moment today, if you live with something or heck, maybe you're in the workplace, you don't live with a condition, but you're tuning in anyways. Maybe somebody has shared with you that they're taking care of someone, maybe an elderly parent or a sick child or a partner who's unwell.
Give them grace.
Ask them how you can support them. Ask them what they need.
If they give you permission, give them a hug, whatever it takes. And so there's a couple of thoughts I want to leave you with. Our society is not set up to have someone sick with a disability, visible or not, let alone set up to have someone be off work, be away from school to care for that person. I've heard from numerous people who've had to quit jobs.
to care for others. I've heard from numerous people who feel guilty for being cared for. I've carried that guilt. I've since released it, but I've definitely carried that guilt.
But reach out, reach out to your community. Reach out to me, reach out to others for support. You don't need to do it alone. You know, and I was really sick and I know, I think I've shared this before on previous episode. can't remember where, but when I was really sick prepping for surgery, my wife reached out to our kids' school and said, hey, you know, just as a heads up, we're going to have a few other people picking up the kids for, because, you know, my husband.
was getting ready for surgery. And if the kids seem a little off or distracted or sad, this is why. Now complete strangers at the school heard about this. And before, you know, we knew it, we didn't ask for it. We had groceries and gift cards and presents for the kids and baking. And we had people say, hey, what can Tim eat?
What can we make? What can we provide? How can we support? You know, that's the true power of community, but also the true power that caregivers also have to reach out to others.
I'm exhausted. I'm not going to lie. You know, I feel like I say that a lot, but I am. I am hitting the burnout stage. I'm getting there. Trying to figure out how to keep invisible condition going, partnering with workplaces and I need more of that. Trying to figure out business development, juggling, recording episodes and workshops and networking.
with doctor's appointments, whether it's virtual or not, picking the kids up from school, getting groceries, making dinners, buying presents for family because I'm recording this about a month before holidays, Christmas break. And so, you know, but I'm remaining optimistic. think old Tim would have been freaking out, getting mad at everything and everybody making it about me, but it's not about me, it's about.
It's about Tanya, my partner, and making sure that she is feeling supported and heard. And I have to say, and I have to admit that I suck at it. I'm not good at picking and choosing my words and figuring out priorities. you know, I think that the beauty of a relationship is you can call each other out. And we know it's loving to call each other out.
So I'm feeling you caregivers today. I'm feeling just what you go through. I had somebody reach out caregiver for someone. I won't go into the details because it's confidential, I don't know the whole story, but I know that it involved a workplace and their person they're caring for ended up in the hospital with severe illness. And their workplace basically said no, unfortunately can't give you the time off.
I am incredibly grateful and I know it's a place of privilege to be able to work from home, work remote as a part-time HR advisor, as well as working on a couple other contracts. So I know, I feel that.
And so, you know, maybe you have a story to share about being a caregiver and facing some pressure at work or pressure at school or pressure with your family. If you feel like telling your story, please reach out. I'd love to have you on the show or I'd love to have you contribute a piece of content. And even if you want to contribute anonymously, that's that's all good. But I know that.
Being a caregiver isn't easy. Please give yourself some grace. Please be patient with yourself. Please reach out to someone to seek additional support. Please take care of yourself. And if you're unsure how, I wish I had some sound wisdom for you, but...
But let's brainstorm. Let's figure it out together. So that's what's top of mind for me today. I promise there will be more regular episodes coming out. NSLfish asks, is it selfish? I don't think it's selfish. Please subscribe to the newsletter, invisiblecondition.com slash subscribe. It's slowly growing, but that's where I share all sorts of content updates. But also I've been spending a lot of time
working on some different tools and tips for disclosure and advocacy and gonna be looking at caregivers and some different frameworks and models that I've been sharing with workplaces, but I wanna share that with you. I also crafted a pretty cool, I think it's pretty cool, disability disclosure statement based on a number of resources I'd found online and kind of crafted it to fit what I believe through invisible condition is a great way to ask for an accommodation. So with that, subscribe to the newsletter. That's where you're get all your updates. Thanks for tuning in. I really appreciate you. I'm spending the last 12 and a half minutes with me. I know you didn't have to, but I appreciate you. I hope you're feeling supported. I hope you're feeling seen and I hope you're feeling heard. Take care, everyone.
