A Case of the What Ifs - Journal Entry No. 9
“What if the workshop does land? What if it resonates with people? What if one person reaches out and says, ‘Hey, I need to know more’?”
Summary
In this journal entry, I (Tim) explore the concept of 'what ifs' and how they can lead to negative thinking, particularly in the context of mental health and personal challenges. I share my experiences with self-sabotage and the importance of reframing negative thoughts into positive possibilities. I encourage listeners to embrace their feelings, seek support, and focus on the potential outcomes of their actions rather than the fears that hold them back.
Takeaways
Reframe the "What Ifs" - Negative "what if" thoughts can be reframed into positive ones. Instead of “What if I fail?” try asking, “What if I succeed?” Embrace possibilities rather than dwelling on potential setbacks.
Embrace Supportive Feedback - Feedback is a tool, not a verdict. Hearing others' perspectives—especially those from trusted friends—can help reinterpret situations with optimism.
Value-Based Resilience - Grounding oneself in core values, like faith or purpose, provides strength during difficult times. Even when outcomes are uncertain, values can anchor resilience.
Leverage Connections - When self-doubt arises, reaching out to a supportive network can offer guidance and a sense of solidarity. Tim encourages listeners to connect for mutual support.
Links
Self-Advocacy Interview Series
Tags: mental health, what ifs, positivity, self-sabotage, resilience, Crohn's disease, disability inclusion, personal growth, support
Transcript
Tim Reitsma (00:02.466)
Hey, Tim here and thanks for tuning into a journal entry. I record these journal entries and just kind of share some thoughts that are off the top of my head. And, you know, I hope they inspire. I hope they cause you maybe to pause and think, but also sometimes I selfishly seek advice and insights because I might be stuck. Today, I'm maybe a little stuck on something. I have a case, a bad case of the what-ifs.
You might be asking, what the heck is that Tim? What are the what-ifs? And it's just that, what if? Do you ever get into a mindset of what if in the negative sense? What if it won't work out? What if it doesn't get better? What if it rains when I want it to be sunny? What if, what if, what if? And I've shared a bit about my struggles with what ifs.
mostly around my mental health, my life with Crohn's disease, and living with arthritis. But I can say over the past number of weeks, and I feel like I've found a prescription for the what-ifs, and I'll share that in a minute here, but it's been an interesting challenge. A number of organizations have reached out and I've said yes to everything.
Organizations have reached out to say, Tim, we want you to bring a workshop into our organization. We want to talk about invisible conditions. We love the stories. They're making an impact. Sidebar, thank you to my amazing guests and people who've written their interviews and have contributed. But, you know, through this journey, it's been pretty exciting to see opportunities come up.
But that self-saboteur, I sabotage myself all the time. Well, what if the workshop doesn't work out? What if I don't get a good review? What if I can't come up with material enough to fill that 90 minutes? What if I say the wrong thing?
It came to a point where I wanted to just take down my services page on my site and just say, you know what? I don't know if I can do this, but a good friend of mine, she had given me some interesting insight and she said, well, why do you let that internal saboteur, that voice that sabotages things have space? And I sat back and I thought about this and
I was questioning why, and why do I allow this to happen. Maybe you are struggling with this right now. Why do you allow that voice to happen? What if I don't heal? What if I can't make it to the washroom? What if, what if, what if? You know, I put out a newsletter this week or recently and talked about this, this idea of turning a what if into a what if. And that might sound obscure, but hear me out a second.
How many of us look at the world through that negative lens or our situation through that negative? And I get it, there are seasons of life where it's a negative, but there are also seasons of life where it's a positive. What if the workshop does land? What if it resonates with people? What if one person reaches out and says, hey, I need to know more?
Now that is looking at it from an optimistic point of view, but let's back up a minute. What if it doesn't land? My good friend, Matt Gould, I'll link him in the show notes because he's somebody you need to follow. He says, so what now? So what now?
Not everything in life is gonna work out the way we want it to. know, many people know that I am grounded by my value of faith. And I know that as much as I try and get my life to where I want it to be, it takes a left turn or a right turn or it goes backwards. And yeah, we can look at this as a negative, but so what now? What now?
We're still here, we're still pushing, maybe forward or just pushing to get out of bed. So what now? And I love looking at situations through that idea of, what now? So turning that negative what if into a positive what if, into a dream of what if. Now for me,
Now for me, I get into negative mind space and mindsets more often than I ever admit. And so yeah, I guess I'm admitting to everybody here. And these negative mindsets bring me down. Recently it brought me down to a place where my wife Tanya was asking, what's going on Tim? I shared with her, shared with her some feedback that I'd received from a friend and she was there and she heard it as well. And I heard the feedback through a negative lens and she heard it through a very different lens. She heard the same words, but she interpreted it as, wow, what an amazing support. See, when we look at life when I look at life through that negative what if, that just becomes my default filter.
But what if, see what I did there? What if we take these situations, we work out all that emotion and we pause and we say, okay, this is where I'm at, so what now?
Yeah, I'm going into a facilitation. You the day I'm recording this, I'm working with a client and it's a long workshop that I've created and they've seen the deck that I put together and they love it. And I'm freaking out. I'll tell you on my next drill entry how it went and you know, I'm pretty honest so I'll let you know how I felt afterwards and how it went. But the point is this is, you know, I feel like I'm prepared as much as I can. And I don't know what people are gonna say. I don't know how it's gonna land. So I can focus on the what if, the negative or the what if the positive. And today I choose to look at it from that positive perspective. And if I get feedback, it's a data point. I get to choose what to do with that feedback.
So maybe you're struggling with your health journey. Maybe you are struggling with disclosure. Maybe you're struggling to create a disability inclusion policy or process in your organization and you're stuck in that. What if I don't get it right? What if I can't get out of bed tomorrow? What if I need to call in sick? Yeah, that's all legitimate. Honor that feeling. And then I would encourage you to...
to reach out to someone. If you don't have someone, I said it before, I'll say it again, reach out to me. I'm happy to be a sounding board for you. And if I don't know the answers, I'll be able to connect you with somebody who does. It's a guarantee that I can make. So as I wrap up this random thought that I have, what is holding your what-ifs back?
That might sound a little strange, you know, what if I get it wrong? What if I can't advocate for myself the way I want to?
Yeah, again, it's all legit. And you might get it wrong. You might not say all the right answers. You might be in front of your doctor and you fumble your words and you don't get the response that you're hoping for. We get another chance. You have another opportunity.
So I encourage you to maybe reorient your thoughts today. What is possible? What if you find someone to connect with? What if that presentation you're planning goes well? What if you get the answers that you finally need?
And you know, a friend of mine who's gone through an incredible health journey and when they're ready, they'll be on the podcast and their story is one of adversity and resilience. And I can tell you that their what-ifs have been hard.
But what keeps them going is they're still grounded in their values and pushing for an answer. And so what if in two years you get the answer you need? What if in six months you get that promotion that you've been searching for? What if you create a disability inclusion policy in your workplace and somebody reaches out and says, thank you?
So, you know, this is audio, so you can't see me, but you know, how do we turn those what ifs negative into what is positive? And ask yourself, so what now? Where do we go from here? So I'm gonna go and take some of my advice, go and prep for my workshop and just dream about that what-if. Hope you have a good one.
And it's a little call to action. I would really appreciate it if you could take a moment, and head to invisiblecondition.com slash subscribe. That brings you into the newsletter. That brings you to all the content that is being generated. There's a backlog of articles and working on a downloadable PDF right now, just on disclosure in the workplace. There's a lot, there's a lot happening. So.
If you have a moment, I would love it if I could see your name over there on the subscribe list. So that's invisiblecondition.com forward slash subscribe. Thanks everyone. Appreciate you all.
