Ep: 004 - Surviving a Stroke, Living a Life Full of Gratitude
Nitai Weinberg - Bio
Nitai Weinberg is an Israeli-Canadian stroke survivor who understands the impact of living with an invisible condition. Post-stroke fatigue has had a tremendous impact on how he's had to adjust his lifestyle in order to find a way to thrive. When you look at Nitai you would never have guessed that he had a stroke, but no one sees the struggle behind the sunglasses nor the years of work it took to figure out how to thrive post-stroke. He is currently travelling Australia to fulfil his dream of surfing in the Gold Coast and is writing a book to share his story.
Nitai’s contact Information: LinkedIn | Instagram
Episode Highlights
I think, too, just understanding what it takes to get to that space. It's not about doing it all on your own. It's about reaching out for help. And I've reached out for help so many different times, from so many different spaces, whether it's with work and being like, hey, these are the things that I need, or with school, getting the accommodations that I need, or just with friends, asking for help, or family, or whatever it is. It's really, I love the quote. It's like, if you wanna go fast, you go by yourself, but if you want to go far, you go together with other people. And I think that's that piece of like, knowing to ask for help and like, it takes a village to, you know, get to where you want to be. And I think it's about being brave enough and vulnerable enough to ask for that help.
Even on the way to the hospital, like in the ambulance, they were doing all these tests on me. And I guess like something seemed a little bit off, but like the paramedic literally asked me, are you trying to get out of an exam or something? And like in the back of my mind, I'm thinking like, I have an exam today, like, am I? Like, am I going crazy or something? Am I trying to subconsciously get myself out of this? But I was like, no, like, seriously, like, what do you think, uh, what do you think is wrong? And he's like, I don't know. And then finally get to the hospital, get wheeled in, in a wheelchair. And, um, the doctor sees me like right away, you know, does some assessments on me. I think I said the wrong birthday cause I was like so disoriented. And then as I was like walking up and down, he's like, yeah, something's wrong with him. Uh, let's take him to a CT scan. Eventually, we found out that I had a left lambic brain hemorrhage, which is basically a hemorrhagic stroke, like a brain bleed. And in a way that was comforting, because I was like, okay, something was actually wrong with me. I wasn't just like, nothing was in my head, you know? But yeah, that's kind of like a nice summary of my story and kind of what went down.
It was very hard to kind of communicate around my challenges while living with, because... When you're at that age too, everyone's maturing and at different rates and understand, you know, still building empathy and trying to understand other people's experiences. And I think it was hard for me, one because I had communication issues where if we were having a heated discussion, I might lose my train of thought and lose the point that I was trying to make. So. It was almost hard for me to vouch for myself because I would, I would need bullet points to be able to have a good argument with someone because I would lose my train of thought.
I've learned to be more empathetic around, okay, yeah, obviously I'm going through challenges, but so are a lot of other people in life, different than mine. There's always, there's levels. I always say there are levels to this, you know? There are levels to the types of struggle that there are have. And then also everyone's gonna experience, everyone's gonna experience it differently too. Everyone has a different set of coping skills resources and supports. And so. I think over time, I just started to understand that like, hey, look, like, obviously I'm having challenges, but like, let me put myself in someone else's shoes and see like what they're dealing with. And maybe like those behaviours or those misunderstandings between me and them have a lot to do with their past or their traumas or whatever it is, right? And so I think my ability to learn to be empathetic was super key to letting a lot of things go
How lucky I am to have a chance. I always say have a chance to live another day.
Just understanding what it takes to get to that space. It's not about doing it all on your own. It's about reaching out for help. And I've reached out for help so many different times, from so many different spaces, whether it's with work and being like, hey, these are the things that I need, or with school, getting the accommodations that I need, or just with friends, asking for help, or family, or whatever it is. Like it's really, I love the quote. It's like, if you wanna go fast, you go by yourself, but if you want to go far, you go together with other people. And I think that's that piece of like, knowing to ask for help and like, it takes a village to, you know, get to where you want to be. And I think it's about being brave enough and vulnerable enough to ask for that help. And I think the third thing that I would say is, it's really hard to, It's really hard to go where you want to go if you don't believe you can go there. So I think what's really important is to remind yourself, like, hey, look, I can only go as far as I think that I can go. And I think what's important is to talk to people that have already been where you want to go and try to learn from them. And hopefully, that will... get you to where you want to be. I know that was a lot of different points. I think you only asked for one, but hopefully, that was okay.
Transcript
Tim Reitsma:
Nitai, I'm so excited to record with you today.
Nitai Weinberg:
Awesome to see you, Tim. I'm excited to have the conversation.
Tim Reitsma:
Yeah, we've, we go back a little bit, a couple of years. I met you at UBC. I was invited to come in and speak into one of your classes and, uh, we just developed a friendship from there. And so I'm excited to share your story and for you to share your story and your journey living with invisible condition.
Nitai Weinberg:
Let's do it.
Tim Reitsma:
Let's do it. Well, what I find fascinating about your story is, well, you, your resilience, your, your mental shift in life, your outlook on life. Uh, you had a stroke when you were going to university and, uh, I know the story, but our listeners don't. So why don't you share a little bit about what happened?
Nitai Weinberg:
Hmm. Yeah, absolutely. So when I was about 18 in my first year of university, one day I just woke up with numbness and tingling in my arm and face. Didn't really think too much about it. I thought my arm had just fallen asleep or something like that, but then kind of moving out throughout the day started to get more symptoms and my symptoms were getting worse. I was actually studying for a chemistry exam. Um, and I was writing these practice exams and eventually I couldn't even hold the pen anymore. And in the meantime, like all of the sensations were just getting like stronger, like the numbness and tingling in my arm and face. And I'd, I'd talked to like one of my friends. I was like asking her like, Hey, like, you know, all these things are going on. Like, like what do you think's happening? And I had the exam with her as well. So we were, we were planning on studying together in a bit.
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
And then she was like, oh, like, I'm sure it's nothing. Maybe it's just like carpal tunnel syndrome or something. I was like, okay, like, all right. So I was like, okay, I can't write anyways. Why don't I just take a break? So I go to the cafeteria. I try to, you know, grab a tray and put stuff on it. And I'm like, this is not gonna work. Like, I can't even hold the tray at all. So I was like, okay, let me see what I can do. So I go back to my dorm room, which is, like I'm on the, the cafeteria's on the second floor, so I have to walk down, then super long haul all the way to my dorm room. And then along the way, I'm like walking down the stairs, and every time I'm taking a step, I feel like I'm missing a step, like my balance is off. So it's like my coordination is off right now, my hand is feeling weird.
Tim Reitsma:
Hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
and I have an exam still in the afternoon. And then eventually I get to my room. I'm trying to call my dad, who's a doctor, because I was like, you'll probably know what to do. Call him about four times and no answer, because obviously he was probably working in the hospital. Then I'm like, I'm trying to figure out what should I do? So I go down a floor to see my friend who's really smart. I'm like. I'm sure he'd know what to do. Also had the exam with him. We were gonna go to the library to meet my other friend, knocking on the door, knocking on the door. Eventually he opens the door. And the first thing I ask him, no joke, is, what are the symptoms of a stroke? And then as I'm saying that, I notice my speech is slurring a bit. And then he had just woken up, I guess, so he was still kind of like. not fully there, you know? And he was like, oh, like, I'm sure it's nothing. Like, don't worry about it. You know, let's just go to the library and like, get ready for the exam. And I was like, oh, like, what's going on? Like, there's already like two people that, like I'm telling them what's happening and they're like, oh, like, you're fine. And then we're walking to the library and while I'm on the way, like walking there, I still like, I feel like I'm really like walking, like walking with a limp. And like, again, I asked my friend one more time, like, are you sure I'm fine? He's like, yeah, yeah, don't worry about it. I'm sure everything's fine. And then right before, like, honestly, sometimes I feel like life, just like everything happens for a reason. Right before I get into the library, I get a phone call from my dad. He's like, okay, I saw that you called me four times. You never called me. What's going on? tell him all the symptoms and whatever. He's like, stop what you're doing, go to the hospital. Eventually the ambulance comes and I show up, like I walk, rock up to the ambulance and they're kind of like, oh, like, are you the person that called? Are you sure? You think we should maybe take you to the UBC hospital? And I'm like, no, no, no. My dad told me to go all the way to VGH. Like I need to like see a doctor. And then even like on the way to the hospital, like in the ambulance, they were doing all these tests on me. And I guess like something seemed fun, something seemed a little bit off, but like the paramedic literally asked me, are you trying to get out of an exam or something? And like in the back of my mind, I'm thinking like, I have an exam today, like, am I? Like, am I going crazy or something? Am I trying to like subconsciously get myself out of this? But I was like, no, like, seriously, like, what do you think, uh, what do you think is wrong? And he's like, I don't know. And then finally get to the hospital, get wheeled in, in a wheelchair. And, um, the doctor sees me like right away, you know, does some assessments on me. I think I said like the wrong birthday cause I was like so disoriented. And then as I was like walking up and down, he's like, yeah, something's wrong with him. Uh, let's take him to a CT scan. Eventually we found out that I had a. left the lamic brain hemorrhage, which is basically a hemorrhagic stroke, like a brain bleed. And in a way that was comforting, because I was like, okay, something was actually wrong with me. I wasn't just like, nothing was in my head, you know? But yeah, that's kind of like a nice summary of my story and kind of what went down.
Tim Reitsma:
Wow. And throughout that, you know, I've met so many people who live with something that's invisible and you were living something that was truly invisible, but you knew something was going on yet it wasn't diagnosed. And
Nitai Weinberg:
Mmm.
Tim Reitsma:
you're asking your friends, your, your, and even the ambulance attendant is going, I don't know if there's really anything wrong with this guy is probably just trying to skip out and skip out of school.
Nitai Weinberg:
Hehehe.
Tim Reitsma:
So physically you must've looked. fine or relatively fine,
Nitai Weinberg:
You think?
Tim Reitsma:
but inside you're not. How
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm-hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
did you reconcile that? Or maybe in the moment you didn't, you couldn't reconcile it, but afterwards, what was going through your mind?
Nitai Weinberg:
Yeah, it's interesting because I think things were happening so fast that I didn't really have any time to process that like people, you know, like this kind of thing that was going on where like something was wrong with me and people weren't believing me. Like I think in some ways like in the ambulance, I was kind of like, oh, like what is going on? But I didn't have that much time to process it. I think after in the hospital and everything, like because... we were getting tests and
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
like, there was clear indication that like, um, okay, there are some things that were wrong with me. Like there was a CT scan. They saw the brain hemorrhage. These, these like, they, they saw the like specific area that was affected. So I think in a lot of ways that was helpful for me. I think the bigger challenge was when I, after I was rehabbing and, you know, I went back to like social settings. Cause I think. when you're in the hospital, there is that piece of like, people understand the condition.
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
Like you're speaking to neurologists, you're speaking to specialists that like know exactly what's going on. But when I'm going back to social settings and like I'm going to a party and I look on the outside normal and I'm talking to people, they don't, it's hard for them to comprehend. I think I had more challenges with that like dynamic than. you know, back when I was in the hospital, because of just that setting that you're in.
Tim Reitsma:
Yeah, I can totally relate to that, right? You're in the hospital, you're in the gown, you're hooked up to wires and tubes and you're there going, yeah, there's something wrong. I'm here for a reason. And then you
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm-hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
get back out into the world and. And you still might be not feeling well, fatigued, just not yourself. But again, you look at, you look at you and going, Oh, but, but you're fine. You look fine. And you use that word normal. And before we hit record us like, Oh, we
Nitai Weinberg:
Yeah.
Tim Reitsma:
think we both came to the conclusion. We don't know what normal means because my normal is your normal, but, but you're feeling normal. And so here you are, you're back in the social settings and And were you telling people that you had recovered from a stroke or you've now have some, some long-term effects of living with a stroke and, and how was that received?
Nitai Weinberg:
Oh, that's such a great question. Cause I feel like a lot of people where something big has happened to you, like you get into this situation where you see someone that you haven't seen a long time and you're like telling them the whole story. And then you see another person that you haven't seen a long time and you tell them the exact same story. And then like every time you go to a party, it's just like, you're basically telling your story a million times, which can be very exhausting in a way. Um, I think I'm, I'm, I'm lucky because, because in a way stroke is like a physical thing that affects you. I think people
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
are a bit more understanding around, you know, I say I had a stroke. Um, they're like, Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. I think when it's something that you don't fully understand or like don't know much about it's harder. I think the piece that was a little bit. more challenging for people to understand is what my deficits actually are. And like, for example, when I was back at university, I was enrolled in something called the Center for Accessibility. This is like a resource at UBC where I get support throughout my like academic journey. So for example, note takers or kind of permission to record lectures. extra time on exams because like, especially at the start, um, my hand still wasn't like at full functionality where like, I would get really fatigued. Like I would write, start writing an exam and then, uh, like, have you heard of like spasticity? It's basically
Tim Reitsma:
No,
Nitai Weinberg:
like
Tim Reitsma:
I haven't.
Nitai Weinberg:
when you're like muscles, like start like cramping up because
Tim Reitsma:
Oh
Nitai Weinberg:
of
Tim Reitsma:
yeah,
Nitai Weinberg:
like
Tim Reitsma:
yeah.
Nitai Weinberg:
the, yeah. So I would have that, but I would also get fatigued to like, like reading and writing, like that would take so much energy out of me that like I would need to take breaks throughout my exam. And so the thing is like because I've always been pretty smart and like good at like, you know, remembering things and whatnot, like it was hard for people to understand like, oh, like, why are you enrolled? And you know, like you seem fine, you know, all these things, but I think there's a lot of things that You know, when you have a conversation with someone for two minutes, you can't understand, you know, how long something takes them or like what, what's going around in the, in the background of their life. Um, and so I, I think that was the most challenging for me was that people couldn't really step in my shoes and understand what I was actually going through day to day, but I do feel like I got a lot of support around. Oh, like you had a stroke and like, but then I think the thing that, um, the thing that's funny about that is they acknowledge it and then next time they see you, they already forget, you know,
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
like a lot of people, because it looks so quote unquote normal, they kind of forget that I have a stroke. And so it's
Tim Reitsma:
Yeah.
Nitai Weinberg:
like, I sometimes have to remind people, especially
Tim Reitsma:
Yeah.
Nitai Weinberg:
when it comes into those areas of like my deficits.
Tim Reitsma:
How did that affect you having to remind people, or did it affect you? How did it play on your mental health?
Nitai Weinberg:
Yeah, I think it was challenging because you don't want to feel like you need to remind people of something when it's like something that you live with. Like you live with it every day. You understand like what your needs are and whatnot. And I think it like creates almost like unneeded conflict around something. Like just to give an example, I was living in when I came back to school. I was living with five other guys, because I was also in a fraternity. And they were all like from the same fraternity. And I was just taking one course at the time, because I was slowly kind of reintegrating into school.
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
But it was very hard to kind of communicate around my challenges while living with, because... When you're at that age too, everyone's maturing and like at different rates and like understand, you know, like still building empathy and trying to understand other people's experiences. And I think it was hard for me, one, because I had communication issues where like if we're having like a heated discussion, I might lose my train of thought and like lose the point that I was trying to make. So. It was almost hard for me to vouch for myself because I would like, I would need like a bullet points to be able to like have a good argument with someone because I would, I would lose my train of thought.
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
And so I think that was challenging because on the one hand, um, when you're dealing with things, communication is so important, but if you have trouble with communication, it kind of creates this loop where it just problems are just going to keep arising because of that. issue with communication. So it's like, you need to remind someone of like, hey look, like, having a organized environment is just really helpful for me because I have trouble with information processing and it gets really overwhelming when things are just all over the place. But again, when you have trouble communicating that, then it like... It leads to a lot of tension. And I think that was challenging for me because when you think about communication and social support, they're just such important pieces to your recovery journey.
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
And if people don't understand what your needs are, they can't really help you as much and be on the same page as you. So I think that part was really challenging for me.
Tim Reitsma:
I can imagine, you know, here you are trying to get integrated back into school. You're with your friends and your fraternity and having to constantly remind people that, yeah, I may look like, you know, I did before this happened, but, but things have changed and, and I'm in recovery and, and I need support, but
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm-hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
sometimes Yeah, I can imagine young guy and a group of young guys like, okay, we got you. And then the next day it's like, Hey, well, what's going on? Nitai why, why is this not happening? Um, yeah, that's a lot of grace that you have to give. And I'm sure.
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm-hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
You had to give a lot of grace. I know a bit about you. You're not a guy. I don't think a guy that just loses his mind and just flips tables and starts yelling. And
Nitai Weinberg:
Hehehe
Tim Reitsma:
so you're, you're very calm and, and. I think this is a good lead into mindset because I know you've spent a lot of time in that, in that space of what's worked for you and so how have you readjusted even just your, your outlook and mindset of, and your grace and your patience with people.
Nitai Weinberg:
Hmm. That's a great question. And it's kind of funny that you, you started with how calm and, and whatnot I am, because I think that's something that's been developed. I don't think I've ever been someone that just explodes on someone.
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
But I think that's something that I gradually learned that I used to like internalize a lot of things. So if there was conflict, I would internalize it instead of like express it. Because I kind of skew to like avoiding conflict or at least
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
before I did. And so it's interesting that you kind of start off with that because I think that's something that I've definitely developed over time through things like meditation and just, I think just maturing and growing as a person. I've learned to kind of Be more empathetic around, okay, yeah, like obviously I'm going through challenges, but so are a lot of other people in life, like different than mine. Like there's always, there's levels. I always say there's levels to this, you know? There's levels to like the types of struggle that people have. And then also everyone's gonna experience, everyone's gonna experience it differently too. Everyone has different set of coping skills and resources and supports. And so. I think over time, I just started to understand that like, hey, look, like, obviously I'm having challenges, but like, let me put myself in someone else's shoes and see like what they're dealing with. And maybe like those behaviors or those misunderstandings between me and them has a lot to do with their past or their traumas or their whatever it is, right? And so I think my ability to learn to be empathetic was super key to letting a lot of things go
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
and to almost kind of taking more accountability for myself. Obviously support is important, but I think when it comes to a recovery journey, you need to take ownership of your own story. I always say that like... My story isn't finished yet, it's still being written and it's being written by me. So like, shit happens in life. It's not about what happens, it's about what happens next. And then you get to write that chapter. And I think that starts with accountability. I also think one common theme that really helped me continue to move forward and progress on my journey. was just this notion of gratitude. There's one moment, especially from the rehab center that really, really stuck with me. I wasn't just going through my own journey in the rehab center. I was joining other people's journeys. There were people that had recovered from amputated limbs. There are people that... were semi-paralyzed, there are people that couldn't feed themselves, there are people that lost their ability to speak, there are people that were potentially hooked up to breathing tubes for the rest of their life. And all I could think about when I was in the rehab centre is that that could have been me. If my brain hemorrhage was a little bit bigger, if it was a different area of my brain, that could have been me. I'm so lucky to be here. I'm so lucky that I've recovered the way I have. Obviously, I have my deficits. Obviously not everything is perfect all the time. Obviously sometimes I'll have my ups and downs, but like wow, how lucky I am to like have a chance. I always say like have a chance to live another day. Not necessarily like, because everything is an opportunity, you know, and then you get to decide what you do with it. And I think it's important to just remind yourself of that. I am so lucky to be here. And I think it's true and I think that's part of gratitude. It's being able to appreciate what you have. And paired with acknowledging what you don't have also, that's important. You can't just ignore like, hey, I want these things, but I don't have them yet. You acknowledge all those hard things, all the negative things, all the things that bring you down, but then you're like, wait, I have all of these amazing things. Like, why am I focusing on all that when I have all of this?
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
And I think that mindset was super important throughout and it's varied, right? Like there were times where the negative came in a lot more and I had to learn to like understand it and like break it down and like, where is that coming from? And like, you know, being able to, you know, sit with my emotions and be like, wait, what does that actually feel like? Oh, okay. This is a feeling in my body. Okay. This is, this kind of sprouts from this thought and from this past experience in my life. But then, you know, moving along, you know, there are, uh, pieces of my journey that were way more focused in gratitude. Like, for example, I think about the pandemic. One of the best, like obviously one of the like worst. years in terms of like the world and like the damage that it caused. But for me, one of the best times to reflect and go deep into, okay, let me take some time to reflect about life. And I took this one course that like, that was so, so amazing. It's called the science of wellbeing, uh, taught by this professor, uh, from Yale called Laurie Santos. And it's all about the science of like, healthy habits and whatnot. And one of them was gratitude. And there's like a lot of evidence behind it about you write down five things that you're grateful for every day. And I was like, I am always skeptical, which is good. I think when it comes to science and things like this, being skeptical is important. And part of being skeptical was me like, let me run an experiment. Let me write down five things I'm grateful for, for like however long, try to be as consistent as I can. I don't know if I did it every single day, but there was like, I documented around like 300 days of gratitude, okay? And the amazing thing about it was, I would write it down every day. Over time, I would start thinking about it before I was writing it down. And then over time, I didn't even have to write it down anymore, I was just thinking about it. And so basically that habit that it taught me was like, have my default beaker attitude. Every time that something pops up that's hard or difficult, it's like, wait, that's difficult, but I'm so lucky to be here. And so yeah, that's difficult, but I'm so lucky to be here. So why should I focus on that? There's so much that I can enjoy. There's little things that can really bring that out of you too. Like stepping outside and seeing a sunset. It's like, wow, I'm so grateful that I have eyesight, that I can appreciate the sunset. That's amazing.
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
And it's just those little things that even if you have nothing, you still have nature. Even if you don't have people around, you still have yourself.
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
And I think that leads me to like the second piece that like, this I would say was, was my biggest learning of like throughout the pandemic was. People come and go in our life, right? But like we can't really control who comes and goes. And there's so many different attributes to like why someone comes and goes for your life. Sometimes it's, you know, priorities, right? Like I think about myself, you know, when I was rehabbing for my stroke, my biggest priority was rehab. And so
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
like if there were people that were inviting me to things, I couldn't always go because my priorities were different. Sometimes it's distance, you know, I'm living in Australia right now and a lot of my friends are still in Canada, right? And so we don't keep in touch as often just because it's hard and like, there's a lot of things going on. You know, sometimes it's, yeah, like proximity. Like if I live right beside someone, I'm just more likely to see them more because it's easier. So there's all these factors of like, why people come and go from our life. And, but there's only like, there's really one relationship that doesn't come and go from our life. And I think that's the one that we have with ourselves, you know, and I think that's, that's what I learned throughout COVID is that like, it doesn't matter who's in my life. Like I gotta like, I gotta be like, obviously appreciate and like, be grateful for the people that are in your life. But like, I gotta build my relationship with myself because that's the only one that I can control. And I can control that whenever I want. Like it's. 24-7, right? Like late at night, early in the morning, throughout the day. You have a couple moments, it's like you can always talk to yourself. I built this kind of framework for myself where it's like I wanna be the person that I need myself to be. And it's like reminding myself of that. And then reminding myself like, hey, I wanna let go of... ego and control and frustration, anything that's holding me back and I just wanna keep focusing in all the things that are helping me, being grateful, being kind, being empathetic. And I think that combination really, really helped me mindset-wise to just kind of keep moving forward in my journey.
Tim Reitsma:
What a powerful share. Uh, thank you so much for sharing that. There's so many thoughts going through my mind and, you know, one that works for me is, is just taking a pause every morning and asking myself, how am I going to show up today?
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm.
Tim Reitsma:
And sometimes I say to myself, I'm, I'm going to show up and be in a bad mood today.
Nitai Weinberg:
Hehehe
Tim Reitsma:
And I look over at my wife and say, and I tell her, Hey, I'm off today. I'm not feeling myself. And so, uh, just a heads up and that's not an excuse for me to be a jerk or yell at my kids. Just not feeling myself. And so I might just need to put on a podcast and for me, I like to bake. So
Nitai Weinberg:
Hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
guess what I did today? I baked cookies, uh, because I wasn't feeling myself and we have to give ourselves that permission to, and not the pressure to say, Hey, I need to be. I need to be 100% every single day because that's
Nitai Weinberg:
Hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
not, it's not possible. But if we allow ourselves to be 100% miserable every day, it seems like that is a little bit easier to fall into
Nitai Weinberg:
Hehehe
Tim Reitsma:
that trap of, of, uh, yeah, it's, it's about me and I'm angry and I'm mad. But I love that simplicity of stepping outside. in the evening and watching the sun go down.
Nitai Weinberg:
Hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
Or waking up early in the morning and watching the sun come up or laying outside and just watching the birds fly and go, how is that even possible? Like
Nitai Weinberg:
Hehe.
Tim Reitsma:
just some of the things that, that just shift our mind and, and just ask ourselves, how am I going to show up today?
Nitai Weinberg:
Hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
Because I know, you know, I can't imagine like living with a stroke and as you said, the deficits that have now come with that, where I look at you and you're like, wow, you're a healthy young guy, but that's on the outside. And that's such the importance, this is why it's such an important conversation about the invisible, things that
Nitai Weinberg:
If
Tim Reitsma:
you
Nitai Weinberg:
we...
Tim Reitsma:
cannot see. That brings me just to a question around, you know, our purpose at invisible condition is not to reduce but remove the stigma.
Nitai Weinberg:
Hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
And, you know, you talk about in the school system where you had the support, which is awesome, but then people around you are going, well, why is he, he's getting support. He looks,
Nitai Weinberg:
Yeah.
Tim Reitsma:
I'm doing air quotes, quote unquote, normal. Uh,
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm-hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
there's still that stigma that surrounds it. So how can we remove the stigma? What do we need to do? What, what do we need to change in the world? Where do we need to start?
Nitai Weinberg:
Yeah, no, that's a great question. And I don't know if I have the best answer for it. But I think for me, when I think about stigma, I go back to, well, why is there stigma in the first place? And usually there's some sort of past history and the lack of understanding. And I think the way to kind of move forward with stigma, I think is education and sharing your story. Like it starts with. As soon as one person shares their story, maybe someone that has a similar experience is like, oh, well, I guess it's okay to share my story then. And then another person is like, oh, well, that person does. So then maybe I'll do it too. And then it becomes more of a conversation in society. And then people get curious, they're like, oh, what is this? What is this condition? And then there's like more education around it. And then it starts to become a conversation. I think stigma is like, when you're moving away and being scared to talk about a conversation because it's hard or uncomfortable. And so I think it's kind of a combination of vulnerability and being able to share your story, but also, you know, having a curiosity to learn and not judge and kind of go into like the education piece around whatever condition it is or the experience even like, you can understand the condition, but not. not really understand the experience behind it, the story behind it. So I think it's kind of a combination of those two things.
Tim Reitsma:
Oh, it's so good. You know, he said, I don't know if I have the right answer. It's like,
Nitai Weinberg:
Hehehe
Tim Reitsma:
well, we got, we got to start somewhere, uh, Niteye. And I love that. And I love the idea of, you know, we need to share, we need to educate. We need to get curious. Uh, yeah. So many stories are popping in my mind just around that because, you know, you're, you're in the workforce.
Nitai Weinberg:
Hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
If you don't share with people that, hey, you know, I now have these deficits that I'm living with, it doesn't affect my performance, but here's how I show up. Or here's some accommodation I need. If we don't share these things, what's going to happen? And
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm-hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
it might not have, you might not lose your job or you might not get pulled into your boss's office and, and, uh, and have a talking to, but. But often we're afraid because we don't know what's going to happen or what people might think. I had somebody reach out to me recently who said they don't want to share because they're afraid they might lose their job,
Nitai Weinberg:
Hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
which broke my heart because this is something that they live with and
Nitai Weinberg:
Yeah,
Tim Reitsma:
they didn't
Nitai Weinberg:
yeah.
Tim Reitsma:
choose to live with it. They're just living with it. So they can't bring that part of themselves into the workplace. And so You know, it's not something I would say, maybe you do. Maybe it's like, hi, my name is so-and-so and this is what I live with. Please hire me. Maybe it's not that simple. And I get that. And that's just an oversimplification. I have that fear. I have that fear of, of saying, Hey, I live with Crohn's disease. And sometimes I need to run to the washroom without any notice.
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm-hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
Hi, would you hire, want to hire me please? And it's like, well,
Nitai Weinberg:
Yeah.
Tim Reitsma:
no, I'm going to hide that part of me until I get the, you know what I'm saying, right? It's
Nitai Weinberg:
early.
Tim Reitsma:
how do we. How do we, you know, sometimes it's really hard to overcome
Nitai Weinberg:
Yeah,
Tim Reitsma:
that fear.
Nitai Weinberg:
and I think it's a very legitimate fear. I think it's important to acknowledge that it's not something that people understand. And I think there's also a fear from people in the workplace of, oh, maybe we shouldn't hire that person because it's almost seen as a liability, which I don't see it as a liability, but I think it is seen as a liability sometimes, which is part of the problem, I think. I think the... I think what's important is to have a space to be able to have those conversations. Because at least from my experience of starting to work is when you have so many things to do, sometimes you don't have the time to slow down and be like, hey, look, this is what I'm dealing with. This is
Tim Reitsma:
Mm-hmm.
Nitai Weinberg:
what you need to know. Sometimes that's hard. When interviews, that's a competitive space. You're competing with other people. if there's one kind of blemish or whatever you want to call it, then that's something that could be a deciding factor. Like you don't know. But what I've liked about at least like my experience so far is that I had a, you know, I work closely with, with like my boss and we actually had a conversation about communication. And I was like, hey, look, like this is, this is what helps me because this is just how I understand things. This is how I process information. And I need to work in these times because this is just what helps me. And I think having that space to slow down and be like, hey, look, this is what I can bring to the table, but this is also what helps me bring more to the table.
Tim Reitsma:
Yeah, that
Nitai Weinberg:
I
Tim Reitsma:
reframing.
Nitai Weinberg:
think that's super important, yeah.
Tim Reitsma:
Yeah. Sometimes man, we just forget to hurry up and slow down, right? We're. We get caught up in things and forget to tell people that, hey, this is what I need to succeed. You know, you're telling me what you need from me to succeed. And now I need to say, well, yes, this works and this, maybe we can change it a little bit. And I love that you're brave and strong. And I think people who are listening to this I really hope it just sparked something in people to go, okay, I need to try this. You know, silly little story where I started with a new client recently and they came to me and said, Hey, I know you live with Crohn's. So here's a key to the washroom down the hall that nobody else has. And, uh, because I know you might need to run to the washroom more frequent than others.
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm.
Tim Reitsma:
So
Nitai Weinberg:
Hehe.
Tim Reitsma:
here's, here's a key. Welcome aboard. Like, you know, it's just those little things, but if you don't share,
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm.
Tim Reitsma:
you don't, it's not gonna happen. So it's scary. And I, we cannot say that there's not going to be discrimination or
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm-hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
lack of accommodation. There's going to be. But we will remove that stigma
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm.
Tim Reitsma:
by educating and by telling stories and, and by, you know, sharing, uh, and educating not just ourselves and our listeners, but our workplaces in how we can show up the best, because I love what you said. And the tie is, Hey, this is what I need to show up even better than
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm-hmm.
Tim Reitsma:
what I'm currently in. That's
Nitai Weinberg:
Absolutely.
Tim Reitsma:
powerful. So as we wrap up, I asked this question to everyone. What hope and encouragement would you like to leave with our listeners?
Nitai Weinberg:
Mmm. Yeah, that's a great question. I think what's important to think about is... You need to like... Obviously, like I've gone through this crazy experience and I've come out the other side. in a lot of ways stronger. And I've learned so much from my experience. But I think what's really important is, one, to know that it is possible to kind of take your experience and turn it into something where, I don't know, quote unquote, you can be successful or whatever you wanna call it. But I think, too, just understanding what it takes to get to that space. It's not about doing it all on your own. It's about reaching out for help. And I've reached out for help so many different times, from so many different spaces, whether it's with work and being like, hey, these are the things that I need, or with school, getting the accommodations that I need, or just with friends, asking for help, or family, or whatever it is. Like it's really, I love the quote. It's like, if you wanna go fast, you go by yourself, but if you want to go far, you go together with other people. And I think that's that piece of like, knowing to ask for help and like, it takes a village to, you know, get to where you want to be. And I think it's like about being brave enough and vulnerable enough to ask for that help. And I think the third thing that I would say is, it's really hard to, It's really hard to go where you want to go if you don't believe you can go there. So I think what's really important is to remind yourself, like, hey, look, I can only go as far as I think that I can go. And I think what's important is talk to people that have already been where you want to go and try to learn from them. And hopefully that will... get you to where you want to be. I know that was a lot of different points. I think you only asked for one, but hopefully that was okay.
Tim Reitsma:
Of course it was. Yeah, I could, I could sit here and just listen for more and more from you. You've put a lot of thought into this and I know you speak in other forums about being a stroke survivor and the mental journey and that you've been on and you're currently on and your mindset. And one thing that I am, I'm really grateful for, Nitae is you and your You're just your excitement to share and educate. Uh, this is what's going to change our narrative in our society around invisible conditions. I'm going to advocate that we remove the word normal from our vocabulary,
Nitai Weinberg:
Hehehe
Tim Reitsma:
because there's no such thing, because your normal is different than my normal.
Nitai Weinberg:
Mm-mm.
Tim Reitsma:
Which is different than everybody who's listening to this, this episode. You know, embrace your normal and live it and wake up in the morning and ask yourself, how am I going to show up today? So with that, Nitei, thank you so much for coming on. You're going to come on again. We're going to talk about, uh,
Nitai Weinberg:
Hey.
Tim Reitsma:
mindsets and gratitude. And cause I've, I'm interested in that journey of, of 300 days
Nitai Weinberg:
Mmm.
Tim Reitsma:
writing what you're grateful for, just those little tips. And I think we'll just do a couple episodes, just really quick episodes of what's worked for you. And, and for those who are listening, It's just a reminder that what we talk about has worked for us and it might not work for you. But if you're curious to learn more, there's an opportunity to reach out. Reach out to me through the website, invisiblecondition.com. If you're curious about how to share your story, what to share, where to start, are you looking for some coaching in this space? Reach out and I'm here to help. And Nitai, if people want to hear more about you, your story and learn more about you, where can they find you? Where can they reach you?
Nitai Weinberg:
Oh, that's a great question. Um, I haven't, I haven't thought about this at all. Um. say that you can probably reach out on my Instagram, although I'm not always super active there, but just my name, Nita Weinberg, N-I-T-A-I-W-E-I-N-B-E-R-G, that's probably the best bet. Yeah, I don't like giving away too many different, because then a lot of messages come in and it's a little bit overwhelming, but I think that's probably a good space to reach out to me.
Tim Reitsma:
Perfect. And we'll have that in the show notes. But again, if you want to hear more from Nitai, drop me an email or connect with me on LinkedIn. It's just my name, Tim Reitzma. And I'm happy to pass on your contact information to Nitai. And we'll go from there. So with that, Nitai, thanks again for coming on. I really appreciate it.
Nitai Weinberg:
Awesome, thanks so much for having me Tim. Excited to see where this goes.
Tim Reitsma:
Yeah, and for those who are listening, I really hope you liked this episode. And if you did, please share it out with your friends, your family, anybody that might have some interest in removing the stigma around invisible condition. And as always, please subscribe to our newsletter and check us out on all social platforms. We appreciate it. So with that, hope you have an amazing day, everyone.
