Journal entry No. 5 - Quit and Run

Summary

In this episode, I discuss the fear I’ve been experiencing while working on the Invisible Condition podcast. I acknowledge the fear of discrimination and rejection that many people with invisible conditions face when sharing their stories. Despite my fears, I am determined to bring more stories into the world and end the stigma surrounding invisible conditions. Reflecting on my past tendency to quit and run from difficult situations, I express hope for a future where it is okay to talk about the challenges of living with invisible conditions. Let’s overcome fear and reach out for support.

Takeaways

• Fear of discrimination and rejection often prevents people with invisible conditions from sharing their stories.

• It is important to push through fear and continue to bring awareness to invisible conditions.

• Creating a future where it is okay to talk about the challenges of living with invisible conditions is crucial.

• Overcoming fear requires determination, hope, and support from others.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Purpose

01:18 Fear and Empowerment

03:46 Struggling with Hard Things

05:21 Overcoming Fear

07:21 Creating a Better Future

08:24 Hope for Change

09:30 Quitting and Running

10:27 Turning Fear into Motivation

Transcript

Tim Reitsma

Hey, Tim here, host of the Invisible Condition podcast, a show where we talk about unusually normal things. Now our purpose here is to end the stigma for those who are living with an invisible condition by empowering voices and ignite social change. But I gotta be honest, I've been working on this purpose statement and there's just so much fear. So much fear in me where it's actually kept me up at night.

Irrational fear, but fear.

I was sharing with a friend quite honestly and openly recently that

I woke up one morning about 2 a.m. and it took a lot in me to not go down to my computer and start erasing all my social posts and LinkedIn posts, because I had this fear in me that if I need to find a job, which I am looking for a part-time job, so if you're hiring, let me know. But I have this fear that employers will see what I'm writing and sharing openly and vulnerably and dismiss me.

I've been hearing from many people who are afraid to tell their story because of that. The fear of discrimination, fear of losing a job, fear of not being hired. And yet I've also heard from people who are fearful yet hopeful. Now on the flip side of fear, they are hopeful that their story will resonate and will drive social change, which is what the purpose is of invisible condition.

But I've been wrestling with this.

Honestly, to the point where I almost took my website down, put it behind me, but

Almost the moment I think about this, I then open up LinkedIn or my email and I see a message from someone who wants to share their story, who wants to be involved, who wants to volunteer. And then I just go overwhelmed with a flood of emotions of, okay, there's, there's something here, there's something with invisible condition that's resonating with people.

But there's still fear.

You know, I think for most of my life, I've struggled with hard things.

I remember as a child and as a young adult that when things got hard, I just wanted to run.

There have even been a couple of times in my life where I just packed up my truck and started driving. I didn't want to deal with reality. I didn't want to deal with things that were in front of me.

I went to school, post-secondary school later on in life, in my late twenties. And I can still remember as I'm driving down the highway, my little car packed full of stuff, I saw the sign on the highway to say next exit is the school. And I started sobbing as I was driving. I was so full of fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of not fitting in.

That it took everything in me to not turn around and drive back to my hometown.

Fear.

I'm curious.

Are you?

Battling fear? Are you struggling with fear? How do you overcome fear?

You know, for me...

And I'm recording this about a year after my career had dramatically changed. My doctor told me I was too sick for surgery and I needed to get healthy because I was too sick to undergo the procedure that I needed that would save my life.

So I think for me, just still wrestling through that and with that, and I am seeking support and counseling for that trauma that I had gone through.

But as I'm sitting here unpacking this word fear.

And what's keeping me going with invisible condition.

And yeah, I've recorded and have written a lot about resilience, but that's just the word that comes to mind to me.

I can end this anytime. I could end this podcast, this website at any point, but I don't think that's the purpose. I can run from it. That'd be easy.

But for me, I'm choosing not to.

Just like I was determined last year to get healthy enough for surgery, I am determined to bring more stories into the world. You know, it's the stories from people like you who are listening that keep this project going. It's the support from people like you, whether it's through the donation button on the website whether it's people who are volunteering their time to create videos, to create content, to write articles. We will end the stigma. We will end this fear.

You know, I think about the future and I think about a future for my kids.

And I can't even imagine a future where, if they are living with something that's invisible, that they're afraid to tell their friends, their family, their coworkers, their workplaces, they're afraid to ask for accommodation. They're afraid to say yes to things that are afraid to say no to things. I don't want that future for my kids.

I also want a future where the workplaces that they're going to be involved in a part of support them in a way that they are able to do the best work in order to generate results for organizations. That's the future I want. I want for my kids. I want for your kids. I want for me.

So while I still battle fear.

I also have filled my heart with hope.

and hope for a future where...

It's okay to talk about our unusually normal things.

It's okay to talk about the things that make us normal.

Maybe a future that the word normal just doesn't even exist anymore. That we could take this word normal out of the Collins dictionary. Cause as you know, maybe you don't know that online there's definitions of the word normal that talk about a normal person is someone who has no physical or mental disabilities. Well, that doesn't, I guess I'm not normal. Most people I know aren't normal.

But yet I'm still struggling fear. Even as I'm recording this, I'm sweating and I'm shaking and I'm full of fear because I don't know what this is gonna be. I don't know where this is gonna go.

But all I know is the emotion that I'm feeling, which is, man, it'd be so easy to just quit and run.

And I recognize that pattern in my life of just quitting things and running from things. But this one, this one feels different.

How many of us are listening quit and run from things?

And then upon reflection, we realized that maybe we shouldn't have quit. Maybe we shouldn't have run.

Well, today, on this day that I'm recording it, this message, this journal entry.

Hold me accountable. I don't want to quit and run. I don't want to let fear take over, but I want to use fear as the motivator to, to drive social change.

So that's my journal entry for today. It's easy to quit and run. It's easy to be filled with fear. And I am filled with fear, but I'm consciously trying to change that fear into hope and motivation. So if you're with me, let's go. Let's continue to build invisible condition. If you're battling fear.

Let me know. I want to connect with you. I want to know what you're going through. I want to know how you navigate this. I want to know how you push forward. And if you're struggling with that, reach out to someone. There's someone here that cares for you, that loves you. And, uh, if you can't think of somebody reach out to me, all my contact information is on my website. So with that, I am going to.

So with that, I'm going to step out of fear and get to work. And I hope you all have an amazing day and thanks for tuning in.